The countdown to bringing Sadie Mae home... So it's been 72 days but whose really keeping track...ummm...we are! We are beyond ready to have her home. I know, I know, she's not even supposed to be born yet, BUT she is and she's been away from us too long, and I've been pumping for way too long! So, last week I had a ready to go home moment, a breakdown if you will. I feel very sure I was being prepared for this moment a couple of Sundays ago.
We had an evangelist who was spot on with everything we've been going through, it was so evident that he had a sure authority to speak to our situation. He was persistent about proclaiming God as the healer and ever present God that He is.
To set the stage, if you know anything about the NICU you know that not just anybody can walk in, each set of parents get 6 people they can choose to see the baby. Also, you have to always be let in by the front desk, wash your hands, have your id bracelet, yada, yada, yada.
Now that the stage is set, at the end of the message the pastor proclaimed that God doesn't need doors to be opened for him. He goes right in... He's there. He's taking care of her every minute, watching over her.
Then I started to think. Yes, He doesn't need a bracelet, He doesn't have to call the front desk and scrub his hands before entering. He doesn't need permission to hold her. He doesn't have to leave when the doctors come, as a matter of fact He watches over their shoulder and guides their hands. He doesn't need a degree to meet her physical needs, He's the one that gave her life. He doesn't need an explanation about what preemies normally do, the outcome of tests, all the things that could happen. He knows them all and He knows her better than anyone. He knows the plan He has for her and us. He doesn't slumber. He cares. He cares more than I do, her mother.
After this revelation I felt more comfortable about going home. She is more stable too, which makes a huge difference, but I just knew it was time. So, the night of the 8th I told Scott, while drowning in tears, that I was ready. There was a pause of silence, then he said are you serious? You really want to go home? He jumped up and made some phone calls. Our friend who let us borrow the camper came to get it the next day and on Sept 9th we spent our first night at home since July 1st, without our baby.
For me there was a peace about being home. Something I never thought I would have being so far from her. What God spoke to my heart continues to sustain me. Oh, how He loves us...this song says it perfect. Here's the verses for those of you reading on facebook instead of hearing the blog player.
How He Loves - David Crowder Band
"He is jealous for me, Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree, Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy. When all of a sudden, I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory, And I realize just how beautiful You are, And how great Your affections are for me."
"We are His portion and He is our prize, Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes, If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking. So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss, And my heart turns violently inside of my chest, I don’t have time to maintain these regrets, When I think about, the way…"