Sweaty palms. But I can tell I'm getting stronger. My heart didn't sink with the open of the elevator door. Things looked a little different, yet so much the same.
Standing in the 6th floor waiting area, too nervous to sit. Most nervous about my emotions, they have a tendency to be unpredictable.
Happy for this moment. That I'm here for completely different reasons than 2 years ago.
However as I watch moms and dads exit the elevators, with their cooler bag of breast milk or pushing a sibling in a stroller, my heart aches.
Aches that they'll not experience the normal "firsts" of having a child. Instead their firsts consist of beeping alarms and changing diapers through an isolette opening.
Aches for the struggles they'll face as a family, as a new parent, as a mom, dad - wife and husband.
This ache I pray never leaves...this helps me identify with another. The tears, I'm glad, have lessened.
This only my second time back to the NICU, my first time to actually WALK through the NICU. I did it. Walked right through with NO tears. There on a mission. A mission of funding hope...and a little extra assignment...
So excited to bring you news of specific things we will be fund raising for in a couple months!
Even more excited to announce that they've asked if I would take portraits of present/past NICU babies to adorn the walls leading into the NICU! I can't describe how incredibly thrilled I am. If you could have seen my heart almost two years ago, you would have seen the hope of this opportunity written all over it. Excited that I'll be meeting other NICU families, and will have the opportunity to tell their story, to be read by so many others, spreading hope and care during desperate circumstances. OVER.THE.MOON. Yes, I am.
There'll be a "sign here if interested" sheet at the NICU reunion tomorrow. Hope to see you there!